Entertain Me

My messy handwriting

This is a long (may seem a little pointless) entry while I was in school waiting for the little girl.  You are forewarned.

In case you missed it, I have been a SAHM for four months now. One would expect that I will accompany the little girl to school in lieu of ate. Such is not the case as I prefer to stay at home and wait for her instead. I did however come with her (on a regular day) twice.

Both times I came prepared with my anti-boredom tools: a planner, spare sheet of paper, pen, some kpop lyrics i'd like to study together with my kdictionary. Even if I forget any of these so long as I have my handy dandy ipod nano I can survive long hours all by my lonesome. Usually, I keep to myself but am always open for a quick chat.  There may have been instances when I seem snobbish to some but I doubt it since I do throw out a timid smile at whoever passed  by every now and then. I take advantage and relish this Me time. If only I have a netbook then I could've blogged my thoughts instantly. Believe me, its kind of painful to write by hand when you haven't been doing so for quite some time.

It's like I have a sign on my head.  School staff, teachers and fellow parents/guardians kept noticing me. They may have been surprised to see me. Just a while ago, the cashier was probably trying to help me pass the time. She kindly offered me a place near the fan, comfy seat and all. Plus she offered me this "MOM" leaflet for light reading. I did mention to her that I came prepared, flashing my ipod from my bag. I even have mints with me. Hmm.. para lang hindi nman sya madala, I did take one of the leaflets.  It's just that I don't want to hold them up from whatever they should've been doing instead of fussing over me.

I always imagined my mom days to be like this. In school, waiting for the little girl but still quite productive. Maybe scribbling some notes or two. Even reading or learning new stuff. I can only write for so long. Maybe a little later. Time to signoff. 7:50am.

Honestly, I am a little embarrased looking so busy while scribbling this note. I wanted to take my time prettifying my handwriting but maybe I am trying so hard to look busy.  But really, I just want to be a wallflower. (Hey, that's a good blog concept tehe.)

I also rememberd one lola trying to chat me up. Hmm.. I wasn't in the mood to talk so mostly I just listened. *Assuming mode: ON*  They might be thinking, I wonder how long is she going to keep up with this act. Soon she'll break and will be like the rest. Like the rest. Like the rest. Like an echo... It just keep buzzing like a fly hovering around my ear.

That is my problem actually:  When someone expects me to share my thoughts. I'm glad nobody is peeking on my notes/over my shoulders. It's just that I can entertain myself. Same thing at home. People ask me, what do I do? There are lots of things I can do, mostly selfish stuff not housework. Sometimes I do wonder if I'll get tired of this new found freedom like some others say. Like this friend who really wanted to work for years now. Maybe it really is easy to pine after things that you couldn't have or just different things than usual.

My parents called the other day. Apparently my sister told them I dont have money anymore. Which is pretty much true. I'll get to that part later. I just told them what they wanted to hear. That I miss earning money. That I'm planning to work again.

Honestly, I'm not there yet. I miss having money, true. It's more of the ability (privilege even) to buy and give something to the little girl. But I've been there. I've bought expensive gifts, simple gifts, some lasted longer but the rest -- stored in boxes. Forgotten.

If there is any other way I can make money at home (I've been praying for that since I had Dani) I'd like that. I did come across some online opportunities but I fear it would just take too much time from me that I would rather work (do actual work and earn rightfully). Sayang oras. I'm not sure if freelancing is for me either. TIME MANAGEMENT. The clock and I have issues. That's the truth. Dear future employer, please avert your eyes. This post is not for you.

There's just so much to do by yourself and what then? Like write and share to strangers? Here in my blog? At least I earn from this blog and let out these thoughts. The principal just came in. I haven't even blogged about fellow parents/guardians' gripes about this school. Sheesh.

I even wanted to visit the library. I am supressing my laughter here because its rue. If someone gets to read this entry he'll say: "Man, she got a lot of time on her hands." *I have to look the post so little time so much to do arkarna song*

Yesterday, I read the filipino librarian's blog. He made it sound like a lot of work if one one wants to be a librarian. It almost made me want to backout (from what?). He has this scribd history of the philippines (i hate history) and I read 2 freakin' chapters. I love reading. Its the retention of what I read that's difficult.

Doing this makes me feel like writing my language essays from school. I miss it!

Oh I forgot. He blogged about the Rizal library. I just want to spend a day actually more than that hehe like I used to. But I can't. I have a family who will miss me. I told A maybe I want to be a hermit with the way I'm trying to cut myself off from people. But I can't.  I'll miss dani. See I haven't been reading/studying and 30mins has passed already. I think I'll need more than that once I organize these thoughts in my blog.