Werk

yes, its that time again when I and my superior will discuss my performance for the first semester. i haven't prepared my bala yet, truth to tell, I was as always, mediocre. i've attended a PM briefing the other day and we were asked:

are you an achiever?

am i? ever since i realized that promotion in this company is not as easy as compared to my last company, i stopped aspiring for it. or maybe motherhood got in the way. or maybe my heart was never really into corporate world. i've always wanted to be a sahm. i work because it was expected of me, i'm a college graduate. either you get a white collar job or you put up a business (of which i lack capital and i know i'll suck as a manager since i'm too nice). sadly, i work because i need to, not because i loved to.

although somewhere in my career, i believed i was helping people make their work easier. there is a sense of pride per production rollout. my babies.

somehow, i lost my purpose. it's all about the money. from payday to next. what to buy, how to pay. yuck, i sound materialistic.

in most evaluation, i get a high score in .. *tada* .. customer service! madali naman kasi ko talaga lapitan, basta wag lang akong busy hehe pero i hate deadlines, i really do. i hate estimating effort kasi i have no idea how long i can do/finish tasks minus distractions. pero i detest being the cause of bottlenecks. critical pa naman role ko, development can't start without my output. i hate documentation, it takes a lot of time for me to organize my thoughts.

and pressure does get to me, sometimes i snap back or slump or grouch or mop resulting to more delays and backlogs.

i long for positive feedback but i'm scared i wont get any, most specially from the higher up :( effort doesn't always cut it, timeliness and quality weighs more. at the end of the day it boils down to this question: do you deliver?

I do deliver, just not at the end of the day haha

excuses. excuses. excuses.

this is another wake up call.

kaya vanessa, magsumikap ka!




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sidebet: Celtic jewelry